"Precious Little One"...for our Selah

Precious, tiny little one
You’ll always be to me
So perfect, pure and innocent—
Part of heaven’s family.

We dreamed of you and your life
And all that it would be.
We waited and longed for you to come
And join our family.

We never had the chance to play,
To laugh, to rock, to wiggle.
We long to hold you, touch you now
And listen to you giggle.

I’ll always be your mother,
He’ll always be your dad.
You will always be our child,
The child that we had.

But now you’re gone . . . but yet you’re here
We’ll sense you everywhere.
You are our sorrow and our joy,
There’s love in every tear.

Just know our love goes deep and strong,
We’ll forget you never—
The child we had but never had,
And yet will have forever.

--author unknown

Gage is 4

My little man has turned FOUR!

We had a fabulous weekend celebrating his 4 years of LIFE!

I don't take a single day for granted that my boys are alive and with us. I really don't. 

This little guy has already had 4 surgeries in his short life. And he had all 4 surgeries before he was 2.5! He is NO wimp!  He was born with a birth defect called epispadius. It has been corrected...However, there are still some incontinent issues with his bladder that may involve a future surgery of his bladder, but we are not sure yet. 

BUT, he is the most healthy, perfect little boy. We are so blessed.

I am the Mother of the most sweetest boys (including the hunk next to me):

Thank you Lord for another day with my family! Please continue to give us YOUR PEACE as we remain hopeful for our daughter, Selah, coming home. We know that it is because of YOU in our lives that we are able to stay sane without one of our children. Amen.

My First Race

I have always wanted to be a runner. I would see people running and wished I could do it. My confidence was what kept me back. I felt like I couldn't do it. I wouldn't know how to breathe right, blah..blah...blah. Finally, this past January, I made up my mind and was determined to start running. I set my goal as a 5k on March 22 here in Ocala and started training. Then, finally, March 22 came...It was so fun. I loved the feeling while I was running in the race. I loved the feeling that all these strangers were running this race together, yet still remains a personal sport. It was exhilarating and my adrenaline was pumping. So much so that I beat my normal time by almost 4 minutes!!!!!! Woo Hoo!  I will be doing these again....

My family rocks. My husband made signs for my boys to hold at the finish line. On the last leg of the race, I could hear them all yelling "Go Mommy" and it kept me going when i was so tired. My youngest son hugged my neck and said, "mommy, i am so proud of you, but how come you took so long?"   Nice.   My oldest has now informed me that he wants to run races now too. 

Pre-race. I did NOT eat those donuts. They were for the boys.

Here I am dying...almost there, almost there... :)

My cheer crowd!!!

God is GOOD!

Biker Mama!

As some of you know, me and my honey are BIKERS. That is right...bikers. It was one of the things that attracted me to Shane in the beginning....not necessarily him having a motorcycle, but what it symbolized. For me, it symbolizes a hobby that is about living. Having fun. Not living in fear. But, actually living. And i love that. My first motorcycle ride was on our first date and I still enjoy being on the Harley with him.  This past weekend we went to Bike Week 2009 on the beach and got away for a night. It was an awesome time together in many ways.  I am so thankful that we have so much fun together.

I promise we took this pic without our helmets, on purpose! I promise we normally wear helmets, but I was getting all camera savvy and wanted to take a pic in motion. So don't get all worried about us! :)

my prayer

One of my BEST friends sent me this and I really can't express how much I need to read this EVERY MINUTE of the day! I hope it will touch you right where YOU are at today in your struggles as well.

If we are willing to admit our lack of confidence in Him, Christ is more than willing to help us overcome our unbelief. Unlike people, Christ is never intimidated by the depth of our need and the demonstration of our weakness. Faith is not believing in my own unshakable belief. It is believing in an unshakable God when everything in me trembles and quakes. The only thing we absolutely could not survive would be the loss of God's love and that is a loss we'll never have to try. (Beth Moore, Praying God's Word)

Mark 9:24 "immediately the boys father exclaimed, 'I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!'"

3 down, one to go...

The 3rd family had their Kaz Supreme Court hearing this morning and they have been denied. 

Now, we are the only ones left.  We don't have a date yet.

We are preparing for the worst.

This week

As you know, we are 1 out of 4 families that have been fighting for our children in Kaz. In the previous post, I had to share the heartbreaking news that 2 of the families were completely denied their adoptions. After years of bonding and loving these children, the court system in Kaz denied the ability for them to be a family. 

This week, the 3rd family has their court hearing. Please be in prayer that they can go in peace and have the strength they need. Its going to be a hard week for them. Their hopes aren't too high at this point, given the news the other two families had a couple of weeks ago.

It is very hard to understand WHY these judges are trying to prevent these precious, innocent children from being with their families. And they don't understand that we are already bonded to our children. We have spent time with them, loved them, kissed them, fed them, talked about them, etc... They are OUR children. Not the government. Not anyone else. They are ours. And to strip them from us in this way is.... pure evil.  

However, there are things that happen that we may never understand.  But, i do know that without the peace, strength, joy, and contentment I have in Christ, I wouldn't be able to do this.

Please say a prayer for all four of us.

Unbelievable

Update- Our appeal is already at the Supreme Court and they have 2-4 months to give us a court hearing.  Of course, we do not know if that will bring us good or bad news. But, we got a step farther. In my heart, I feel like Selah is coming home. 

We received some devastating news today.... As you know there are 4 families that are fighting for our children who are in the same Orphanage in Kazakhstan. We have all been stuck in this battle together. We email everyday and support each other- since we are truly the only ones who really know what this feels like.  

We are all in the appeal process to take our cases to the Kaz Supreme Court. The Supreme Court is the last chance of bringing our children home. 2 of the families had their supreme court hearings today and were denied. DENIED. I can't even believe this. That is it. Just like that. Their children whom they love with ALL their hearts, will not come home now.  I am grieving for these families. Please pray for them right now. Please.

Of course, this has made Shane and I very scared. The Embassy told me that whatever happens with those families cases, will most likely happen in our case as well. However, our hearing hasn't even been scheduled yet and may not for several months. We have no idea if our daughter will come home or not.

Please be in prayer for the 2 families that just got a BIG knife stuck in their heart.

GOOD news today!

We just wanted to let you know we got some good news today in regards to our adoption! We are ONE step further along! The appeal paperwork, (that the Kaz staff has been working on since DECEMBER), has been officially submitted to the "Committee" today. The next step is to wait for our Supreme Court hearing date. That could take 4-6 months from now. BUT, hey- we are just happy to have some kind of news and a step further!!! :)

Now, I get to write a letter to Selah and send her an updated family picture! The Kaz staff will make sure that the Orphanage Director gets it and reads it to her in Russian.
Selah is now 27 months, can you believe it?!?! She has "outgrown" all the clothes that have been waiting on her here and I am beginning to wonder if the beautiful crib bedding will be needed any longer! *sigh* I sure wish we could have had our daughter all this time. But, God knows better and we continue to TRUST Him. There have been MANY treasures along the way throughout this process!....And, of course, there has been pain and struggle too, but for some reason the "treasures" seem greater. :)

Thank you for your continued prayers!

habit training

"The mother who takes pains to endow her children with good habits secures for herself smooth and easy days; while she who lets their habits take care of themselves has a weary life of endless friction with the children." Charlotte Mason

I just love this quote!

It brings me encouragement on the days that it seems "never-ending" or "will they ever get it?"..... It brings confirmation that my role as Mom is one of great importance and significance. And it summarizes what we are to do with our children- train in habits. I am a fan of Charlotte Mason and her philosophy with education and parenting. She was an educator in the early 1900's and one wise woman full of insight!

You can check out more HERE

I, Myself

Karen Hossink, my friend, mentor, author, and speaker.... has a word from God for me...

and YOU!  Watch now!  She is coming to OCALA this April 27th- mark your calendars NOW! I will post all details on my blog at a later date.  (Scroll down FIRST and "pause" the song) :)

blessings wrapped in pain

This is from my morning devotional and I just had to encourage you all with it:

The blessings that follow doing God's will are not always the ones we expect.

Doing God's will is rarely easy, and the blessings of growth may come wrapped in pain. However, we will find Him to be faithful and His Word sufficient when we return to Him.

If You Want Me To...

I have been holding back on posting here because my emotions have been a little up and down. Up and down? What do I mean? Well, UP and DOWN! We have had no idea how long the next appeal will take or if it will even go in our favor. And we miss our daughter so much. The daughter that is entrapped in corruption, deceit, and wickedness.....and there is nothing we can do about it.

The song playing on this blog is a song that has spoken to my heart in some very real ways. Here are the words: 

"If you want me to" by Ginny Owens

The pathway is broken 

And The signs are unclear 

And I don't know the reason why You brought me here 

But just because You love me the way that You do 

I'm gonna walk through the valley 

If You want me to 

Chorus: 

Cause I'm not who I was 

When I took my first step 

And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet 

so if all of these trials bring me closer to you 

Then I will walk through the fire 

If You want me to 

It may not be the way I would have chosen 

When you lead me through a world that's not my home 

But You never said it would be easy 

You only said I'd never go alone 

ya oh oh no

So When the whole world turns against me 

And I'm all by myself 

And I can't hear You answer my cries for help 

I'll remember the suffering that Your love put You through 

And I walk through the valley If You want me to 

Isn't that a POWERFUL song? It just exudes with SUBMISSION.....ahh, submission.....how very hard that is when you are going through times in your life that are not in your reach to control or even to understand.  But, this song exemplifies true submission to God and His plan. We won't know why everything happens. I won't know why Selah can't be with us. I don't know why God is making this so difficult for us and why. BUT, the bottom line is that I trust Him, I love Him, and I want to submit to Him. Its hard. I won't lie. Its hard to submit when He is not making any sense right now. But, that is why submission is not a feeling, but a choice.